I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
