I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
