I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
