How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
