well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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