Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
