i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
