fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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