were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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