The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
