Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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