Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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