im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
