she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
