You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
