i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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