Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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