FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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