My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dignity is for republicans.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
