gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
