He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
