i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
