I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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