in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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