I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
