You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
