the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
