HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize