meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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