i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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