ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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