hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
