somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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