He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
