watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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