lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
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Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
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Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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