Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
