"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Did I show you my penis last night?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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