My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
