Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
