if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
