Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
