He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
