I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
