On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
