i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
