I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
