I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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