I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
