Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize