pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
