If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Im part way to drunk.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
