Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
