so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
your like the ambassador to my penis.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
