so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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