I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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