sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
