She's JV to your varsity
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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