'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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