the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
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Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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