I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
