A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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