my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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