So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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