dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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