just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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