youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
