after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
