Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
