I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
