we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
