i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
