I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
