last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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