one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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