I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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