i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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