do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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