My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
