Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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